Attachment is an integral component of interpersonal relationships and emotional behavior. Although each person in unique, there are some common patterns that can apply to all people. In their article “The development of adult attachment styles: Four lessons”, Fraley and Roisman (2019) present the most common attachment styles ascertained by research. Understanding the key terms of the attachment theory as well as the essence of the article is essential in identifying one’s personal attachment style and its practical implications.
In order to properly comprehend the attachment theory, it is important to understand two key terms – attachment style and internal working model. Attachment style is defined as “a constellation of knowledge, expectations, and insecurities that people hold about themselves and their close relationships” (Fraley & Roisman, 2019, p. 25). Meanwhile, internal working model refers to “elaborated and cognitive representations of the attachment figures and the self” (Duschinsky et al., 2021, p. 369). It should be evident that both terms are related to highly subjective experiences and perceptions of relationships with other people.
As attachment styles are composed of two primary metrics – avoidance and anxiety. What attachment style each person possesses depends on the prevalence of these behavioral patterns in their life. The first attachment style is secure, which is characterized by being content with feeling dependent on others and accepting that one depends on other people. The second style is fearful avoidant, the most important feature of which is the sense of discomfort with feeling dependent on others. The third style is dismissing-avoidant, which is represented by uneasiness with opening up one’s emotions and lack of regard for other people’s opinions. The fourth style is preoccupied, which is exemplified by anxiety about other people not being available when they are needed. Neither style is static, as people’s features change throughout the life.
The main idea of the article is that in order to foster healthy relationships, it is important to understand one’s attachment style and the styles of other people. Fraley & Roisman (2019) present four lessons that they have been able to identify from the existing research on this topic. The first lesson is that attachment styles begin to form in early childhood, although accurate predictions regarding one’s future style cannot be made. The second lesson is that the influence on one’s attachment style depends on a person’s age – the older the person is, the more rigid their behavior becomes. The third lesson is that attachment styles can change under the influence of the environment, especially in childhood. The fourth lesson is that there is a large knowledge and research gap regarding attachment styles. Overall, the article points out that genetic factors, as well as early relationships are important for determining the future attachment styles but there are other unknown factors that may be no less decisive.
Unsurprisingly, there is a difference between attachment styles of adults and children. Children’s attachment is highly flexible due to the variety of influences on their lives. Two driving forces behind attachment are socialization and selection, which are not equal to each other. In children’s case, their attachments are mostly formed by the way their socialization process transpires, while selection is not as influential because they do not make many choices. Meanwhile, adults are more influenced by selection rather than socialization. An effective way to conceptualize this is to assume that children’s attachment changes due to external factors, while adults’ attachment is affected by their own choices.
One of the most important points of the article is that attachment is influenced by early childhood, and no other type of relationships is as affected as romantic one. It is evident that attachment plays an important role in both infant-caregiver and a relationship between infatuated adults. Yet, the major difference between them is that adult relationships are voluntary and are supposed to involve efforts from both parties. At the same time, infant-caregiver relationship is strictly one-sided, with the infant being entirely dependent on their caregiver.
Of the four attachment styles presented in the article, dismissing-avoidant is the one that describes my behavioral patterns with most accuracy. I am self-sustained and have no dependency issues, but sometimes it is difficult for me to expose my emotional side to other people. As a result, my internal working model forces me to emotionally shut out and push out people who get too close to me or want a more intimate relationship. The positive implications of my style are that I do not feel neediness when expressing my desires and do not need other people’s validations of my actions. The negative implications are that I sometimes feel that I lack deep emotional connection with people and I behave insensitively towards those who do open up to me.
In conclusion, the information provided in the article has allowed me to recognize that dismissing-avoidant is my personal attachment style. The most interesting aspect of attachment theory that I learned is that it is possible to change one’s attachment style with selection and making conscious choices. It is a common misconception that it is not possible to drastically affect one’s psychology. Yet, the insight provided by attachment theory has shown that people are not victims to their childhood experiences and can make actual steps towards nurturing healthy relationships in their adult lives.
References
Duschinsky, R., Bakkum, L., Mannes, J. M., Skinner, G. C., Turner, M., Mann, A., & Beckwith, H. (2021). Six attachment discourses: Convergence, divergence and relay. Attachment & Human Development, 23(4), 355-374. Web.
Fraley, R. C., & Roisman, G. I. (2019). The development of adult attachment styles: Four lessons. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 26-30. Web.